


I Love You (But I Hate Your Friends)

by captainbook, Phantomlimb



Series: The Song Verse [1]
Category: X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: Comedy, Erik Being Cocky, Erik Logic Is The Best Logic, Erik has Issues, Erik no, Funny, Humor, Inspired by Music, One Shot, Romantic Comedy, Someone stop Erik Lensherr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-10
Updated: 2014-09-10
Packaged: 2018-02-16 21:59:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2285895
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainbook/pseuds/captainbook, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phantomlimb/pseuds/Phantomlimb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Erik is in love with Charles much to Charles' disbelief and the only way to prove himself worthy is to get approval from Charles' friends. What could go wrong?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Love You (But I Hate Your Friends)

**Author's Note:**

> I enjoyed writing this wayyy too much. This was inspired by the song I love you but I hate your friends by Neon Trees. I recommend listening to it while reading this

 

“You barely know me, Erik!” 

“And yet, I’m still in love with you,” Erik grunted. 

Charles scoffed. Erik decided to change tactics. 

“Charles, _schatz,_ I know it’s only been three months but believe me, I am as terrified as you are. I know the weight these words carry and I would never say them unless I truly meant it,” Erik said softly to Charles, the only person other than his mother who had ever heard him talk like that. 

Charles looked at him, searching for any sign of falsehood but found none. He sighed. 

“Alright.” 

“And I don’t expect you to say it back; I wouldn’t want you to feel pressured to. But I want you to understand how deep my feelings for you run,” Erik said, feeling unusually vulnerable. 

“Fine, then prove it to me. Come meet my friends,” Charles said, eyes determined. 

“Of course, anything for you,  _liebling_ ,” Erik murmured. 

                                                                                               ****

 “Dump him, Charles.” 

“He looks like a shark!” 

“He said I dress like a stripper.” 

“He called me gay! I’m not!” 

“He said I’d never be as good of a scientist as you!” 

“He’s an asshole.” 

“He called me annoying!” 

“He was alright.” 

Everyone turned to stare at Darwin. 

“What? He was cool to me, it’s the truth,” Darwin defended. 

Charles rubbed his temple. 

                                                                        ****

“I know they’re your friends but they’re _NOT THE ONES IN THIS RELATIONSHIP!”_ Erik roared. 

“ _Well how can I date a man who hates my friends and who in turn hate him?!”_ Charles snapped before slamming the car door and going inside the house. 

Erik got off from the car with the full intention of chasing after Charles but a voice in his head that sounded uncannily like Emma told him not to. 

 _Lick your wounds and strategize. Show them the true Erik Lehnsherr_ , the voice said. 

So Erik did what he did best. 

He _planned._  

                                                                        ****

He had noticed how they had looked at each other. He knew the kind of girl Raven was but he didn’t know what kind of man Hank McCoy was. So he took a wild guess. 

“ _What are you doing?!_ ” Raven asked in alarm as she found Erik writing Hank’s name in lipstick on one of the family mirrors in the bathroom. 

“Isn’t this how you usually do it? Or did I write it too neat?” Erik inquired. 

“What-what are you talking ab-” 

“Now come now, Raven, you may be annoying but you’re not an idiot. You know damn well what I’m insinuating and there’s no point in lying. You’re not particularly good at it or at cleaning up. There are about twenty different messages that you were too lazy to fully erase. Hank must have quite the day planner. Now not only am I going to guess that Charles wouldn’t be particularly thrilled to hear you were fucking in the old family house but I’m going to safely bet that he’d be furious if he found out you were doing it with _Hank_ ,” Erik sneered. 

“What do you want?” Raven asked, jaw clenched. 

Erik rubbed his hands together. 

                                                                        ****

 “ _OH MY GOD_ , Mr. Lehnsherr, what are you doing here?” Hank asked, obviously spooked. 

Erik moved Charles’ professor chair closer to Hank. 

“Expecting someone else, I presume, _Hank?”_ Erik asked, all teeth and no lip. 

Hank gulped. 

“Uh n-no, I was-I was just coming to get some notes that I had left behind,” Hank said lamely. 

Erik looked at him unimpressed. 

“And yet, there isn’t a paper to be seen in this auditorium; pity. Tell me: how will Charles react when he finds out you’re sleeping with his sister, whom I presume is who you thought would be here waiting for you?” Erik asked smugly. 

At that moment, someone opened the door to the classroom and both Hank and Erik turned to see who it was. 

“Okay Hank, I can only do something quick. I can’t be late for practice, Coach’ll kill me,” Alex said, not noticing Erik as he threw his shirt off. 

Erik looked at Hank both equal measures of surprised and impressed. Hank’s face burned crimson. 

Erik whistled and said “Your day planner _really is_ filled up.” 

“ _Fuckingshit what the fuck are you doing here Lehnsherr?!”_  

“Please don’t tell Raven! _Oh god, don’t tell Professor X!”_  

“Silence has a price, _boys_ ,” Erik said smugly as Hank started to tremble.

                                                                        ****

 “All bets must be placed now,” Angel said easily as she dealt out the cards. 

“I’ll **_bet_** Charles won’t like this.” 

“Wha- _oh fuck_ ,” Angel said wide eyed as she saw none other than Erik Lehnsherr, Jewish German psychopath, standing in front of her. 

The other players mistook her shock as a sign of Erik being a cop and so they scattered. Erik just lowered his sunglasses and looked around the dingy basement. 

“Really, Angel, an illegal underground gambling ring? _Now what would Charles think_?” Erik asked, amused. 

Angel sighed. 

“What do you want?” 

Cheshire cat? More like Cheshire Lehnsherr. 

                                                                        ****

“Sweetie, if you wanted dirt on these people, all you had to do was ask and I’d get my guys on it,” Emma said as she sat across from him in the fancy restaurant she partly owned. 

“But I’m impressed you went through all this work. You are so whipped,” Azazel smirked. 

Erik grit his teeth and sipped his whiskey. 

“This is a personal matter, Emma. I don’t need your _mob_ connections. Thank you, though,” Erik said. 

“Well fine then, if you enjoy being Nancy Drew so much, I _won’t_ call them,” Emma said, rolling her eyes. 

“Should we buy you a magnifying glass, Detective Lehnsherr?” Azazel taunted. 

And these people were supposedly his friends. 

                                                                        **** 

“ _I SWEAR IT’S OREGANO! IT’S OREGANO!_ Please don’t tell Charles,” Sean pleaded. 

“I’ve yet to hear why I shouldn’t,” Erik said with a quirked eyebrow as he held up Sean’s little brown bag. 

                                                                        **** 

Erik waited for the perfect moment before he emerged from the shadows and tapped on Logan’s window. 

“ _Jesus Christ, Lehnsherr!_ The _hell_ are you doing here?!” Logan blurted in shock. 

“Tsk tsk, _stalking_ Logan, really? I thought you were above that.” 

“I was-I was making sure she got home safe,” Logan said weakly. 

Erik looked up to the apartment window where he could perfectly see Charles’ TA Jean undressing. He gave Logan an unimpressed look. 

“Don’t tell Charles.” 

                                                                                               **** 

Moira took a seat across from Erik and the both of them stared each other down even as the waitress came and took their order for coffee. They continued glaring at each other until Moira finally broke the silence. 

“Why’d you call me here, Erik?” 

“It was you who broke that vase, Moira, _don’t play coy with me.”_  

“It was the cat.” 

“Mr. Tumnus is the most well behaved cat, you’re _lying.”_  

“Why would I lie?” 

“You know damn well that that was Charles’ favorite vase and that it was an antique.” 

A look of guilt passed over Moira’s face. Temporary, but enough to condemn her.

“Ah ha!” Erik exclaimed. 

“Fine, you know. Are you here to blackmail me?” 

“Yes,” Erik said simply as he buzzed with excitement. 

                                                                        **** 

“Charles, your boyfriend is so-so, uh, handsome!” 

“He’s the best, Charles! A real keeper!” 

“He’s so nice and-and thoughtful and _nice_.” 

“He’d be great as a dad. I feel like, he’s kinda like my dad, you know?” 

“Lehnsherr is so smart and makes so much of the money. And wow, the charm he’s got.” 

“Erik’s really cool, _the coolest.”_  

“That crazy German, if I was-you know not in lov- _IF I WAS GAY, I’D SUCK HIS DICK WITH YOU, CHARLES!”_  

                                                                        **** 

 _“What did you do?!”_ Charles demanded as soon as he was in the house. 

Erik put down his newspaper. 

“What ever are you talking about, Charles?” He asked, feigning innocence. 

“You know very well what I mean, you tosser. If you lie to me, I swear-“ 

“ _Charles! I_ would never lie to you.” 

Charles eyed him suspiciously.  

“What?” 

“Why did you say it like that? _I_ would never lie to you? If not you, who?” 

Erik looked at everything but Charles. 

“ _Erik.”_  

God he really was whipped. 

                                                                        **** 

 _YOU’RE FORTY, LOGAN! FORTY! YOU COULD BE HER FATHER!”_ Charles roared. 

“It’s-it’s not like tha-”

 _“YOU’RE A PEDOPHILE, BY GOD MAN! AND YOU!”_ Charles bellowed, pointing a finger at Raven. 

 _“HANK WAS AN INNOCENT AND MY STUDENT AND YOU’RE A SEX FIEND!”_  

_“But I love him-”_

_“YOU LOVE WHAT HE CAN GIVE YOU, RAVEN! AND HANK, HANK **DON’T YOU DARE TRY TO HIDE**_!” Charles yelled. 

Hank crept back into Charles’ line of vision. 

“ _HANK, HOW COULD YOU CHEAT ON MY SISTER?! **WHAT.IS.WRONG.WITH.YOU?!”**_ Charles ground out as he whacked Hank on the head with Erik’s newspaper. 

“Charles, dude, give the poor guy-” 

“Oh and you Alex, with your insistent ‘I’m not gay’-” 

“I’m not-”

“ _YOU ARE LITERALLY SLEEPING WITH MY SISTER’S BOYFRIEND! YOU COULD NOT BE GAYER!”_ Charles screeched. Erik watched with a sort of morbid fascination.

Charles turned away and focused on Sean who looked to be praying for the power to disappear.  

“W _eed, Sean? Weed?! YOU’RE BETTER THAN THAT and Angel, gambling?!_ The both of you, I don’t know what’s gotten into you!” Charles looked at them both in disappointment before remembering the vase and his poor, innocent cat.

“ _AND MOIRA! HOW COULD YOU?!”_ Charles cried out. 

“Charles, I know it was an antique-”

“I don’t care about that! _HOW COULD YOU BLAME IT ON MR. TUMNUS?! YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!”_

“Wait, what about Darwin?” 

“Seriously, Sean?” Darwin asked, rolling his eyes.

Charles faltered briefly and turned to Erik. 

Erik just held his hands out and said “What can I say, he’s a good kid.” 

“Thanks man,” Darwin beamed. 

Erik smiled briefly at him. 

“Wait, what about Erik?” Raven asked. 

“What about Erik?” Charles fumed. 

“He’s the one that started all of this just so he could blackmail us into saying we like him!” Raven yelled. 

Charles looked briefly at Erik and said “Erik didn’t lie to me so Erik is in the clear.” 

Erik smiled smugly. 

“What?! That’s not fair!” Alex cried out. 

“ _He’s in the clear, stop whining!_ ” Charles yelled. Everyone stopped whining.

“Love?” Erik inquired tentatively. 

“Yes, Erik, darling?” Charles asked. 

“Shall we go to dinner?”

“Rightly so. Now I’m leaving and I want all of you to reflect on your mistakes and understand, _there will be hell to pay_.” 

Charles walked over to Erik and as they left the building, Charles pulled him aside. 

“Erik I have to tell you something.” 

Erik momentarily panicked. 

“Wha-no, Erik, stop. Calm your mind. Look I just, I want to say something to you.” 

He took a deep breath. 

“I-I love you. I really do and it’s all very frightening and I’ve never-well I’ve never been in love with someone before. I might not be very good at it,” Charles said, chuckling darkly. 

Erik pressed a kiss to his lips tenderly. 

“You’ll be wonderful. You always are, Charles.” 

Charles smiled. 

“But Charles…” 

“Yes, dear?” 

“I love you but god; I hate your friends.” 

Charles just laughed and Erik thought that perhaps, just perhaps, it had all been worth it. 

 

God he was whipped.


End file.
